I don't do conventional well

Oof! It has been far too long since I have posted a blog. Honestly I wanted to write so much while I was pregnant but I am not sure what happened... A bit of me was just soaking it all in and really getting to know the people who would be with me on Labor day. Funny thing is that I even wanted to journal but only did for like the first week and BAM suddenly I am in labor. So since it has been a bit of time since I last posted, I thought it best to give you a bit of my pregnancy story as well. The title honestly speaks volumes lol but I suppose a bit of detail would help paint a better picture. No I am not gonna lie and say that my birth story is a magical one but I do want to say that it was a healing experience and that is exactly what I needed. I treated my pregnancy differently this time around, choosing to run the opposite direction of all of the "things we must do" and opting to do the very minimal starting with the traditional ultrasounds.

I hear so many families talk about the ultrasound. Would you be surprised if I told you that I did not have one my entire pregnancy? It's such a normal practice that we hardly question it. Not that my questions had anything to do with if it was dangerous, for that I will leave you to your own research. No, for me it was something I read in a book once about not having one done as a way to learn to connect with my body and the baby that I was growing. This means that I did not find out if I was having a boy or a girl.... for most this is unfathomable but to be honest my pregnancy, though hard, was pretty magical. I felt this connection that is difficult to explain. I looked to my dreams and my instincts to help me determine how my pregnancy was going. The entire time I had this peace in my heart. I felt so ready to have my baby because luckily I was already pretty well informed given my role as a Birth Doula. I understood birth and the process on a very intimate level and this helped me navigate my pregnancy pretty well. I knew my rights therefore I knew that I did not have to do all the things that most feel pressured into doing. For instance, not getting an ultrasound. You are not required to get one. You can choose to get one or not and that is your right! Going against the grain can be difficult and that is why it was important for me to build a great team. Since I knew this would be my last pregnancy I decided to do it at home. And you see, part of making sure that my homebirth went as planned was making sure I felt safe. In labor if you truly want to be able to let go and surrender, it is imperative that you surround yourself with the people you know will keep you safe and most of all will listen to you. For my Midwife I was led to Joanne Gotshell of Holy City Home Birth. She really knows birth, and we clicked really well but most of all I knew she believed in me and my ability to birth a baby safely into this world. For my Doula I chose Simone Lee with Birthing With Purpose. I knew she was AMAZING when my daughter's Midwife recommended her to me but after talking with her virtually I knew for sure that she was just, my people... ya know? Having knowledge is important but more than that I needed to be so comfortable with her that I would listen to her guidance and be okay with her seeing me in my birthday suite (if you know what I mean) I also loved that both seemed completely unbothered by me wanting to skip so much of the traditional pregnancy tests and such. This reassured me that my wants and needs were being considered and that they were not going to push unwanted procedures on me without discussing it first so that I was fully aware and understood why said procedure was being suggested. I suppose this is what I love most about midwives and doulas... they know so much about physiological birth that they understand the variations of the norm and unlike hospitals which have procedures, they see these variations as part of the process and uniqueness of pregnancy and birth. Treating the whole person and not just the condition is how birth should be addressed. Its sad to think that Hospitals boast pretty high intervention rates, about 32% cesarean rates, while planned midwife births had less than 6% (these numbers only consider low risk pregnancies.) So my thoughts were that a homebirth would be my best option if I wanted to be treated like a person and not just a vessel. I know so many people who feel seriously safer being in a hospital but I did not and this shaped my entire pregnancy. I mean sure, I still knew that emergencies happen but because I trusted my Midwife, I knew that I would only be transferred if it was necessary and that allowed me to move past that and on to visualizing a successful birth.

So now that you know my little secret, you should also know that nothing about my story is really conventional. I listened to my cravings and ate what I needed and wanted, I did not exercise regularly but did keep active through gardening and walking, up until it became just a bit too hot outside and then I would swim some but nothing regular. In this I wish I would have exercised more but I was not doing it before being pregnant and found it difficult to keep a regular schedule of it during pregnancy considering the first three months all I did was sleep and throw up. A tip for my pregnant readers, the last couple months of pregnancy are hard, exercise or not and the only thing that ever helped me was to sleep upright in a recliner. Sleeping in the bed on my side left my back just ANGRY!! Even the chiropractor could not touch the pain I was having. Instead I opted for relaxing inversions with a slight giggle (shake the apples by Spinning Babies) and some Side lye and release. Both I needed my husband's help with, but those along with sleeping in a more upright position all but fixed the pain and made the last few weeks much more bearable. Well that and Papaya Enzymes. If you have heartburn you want some Papaya Enzymes for sure!

Okay now lets talk about the final countdown. For most pregnant people, they understand that the last month can feel like years! I had my first kid at 41+5 and only after taking the midwife cocktail so for this birth I was sure that I was going to go past 40 weeks. You see for most they hear their EDD and they count to that day, they even count on that day, and when baby does not come they become anxious and then start thinking about induction... For me I heard my EDD and just changed it to my EDM - when people asked me when I was due, I would always say September - and probably toward the end... As you guessed it, going into labor a full week before my EDD was a HUGE surprise to me. Such a surprise that I was in fact, in denial the entire time. It all started pretty slowly a couple weeks before my EDD.

For about 2 weeks I felt small practice contractions but it was nothing that stopped me or even took up too much of my mental or physical reserves. Honestly I just used them to practice my cleansing breath and breathing through it.

PRO TIP: Practicing in the very early contractions even when they are minimal and barely make you take a pause helps you to remember to breathe during the big ones that takes all of your concentration.

On Tuesday the 7th I had a dream that I had my bloody show and spent all of Wednesday nesting to the fullest...So fast forward to Labor Day and I still felt like the contractions were no big deal. I was having more of them but nothing felt very strong at all. Then about 3pm in the afternoon of the 9th I had what is called the bloody show. It sounds way scarier than it is lol It is literally just blood and mucus as you wipe. I called my Doula and Midwife to let them know and after speaking to my Midwife I was convinced that I was having the baby but not that day. I figured, again considering how I labored with C, that I would be in for a long weekend. You see, C was 9#10oz and so my labor with her was quite difficult. She was in a not so great position and it caused a pretty long and hard labor. I knew that this baby would weigh just as much as her so I was sure that I would be in for more. This time though I knew the exact location of my baby and being a doula I also knew that it was a pretty ideal position for labor so I was hopeful at least! Well the day continues as normal and my Mom comes to pick up C because she takes her weekly on Thursdays anyways. While she was here I mentioned all the things I needed for the homebirth such as shower curtains and fruit and all the other odd and ends that I had not gotten just yet. I advised that I did not think it would be that day and that I don't think she should buy the food items just yet. Luckily my Mom is a do it now and relax later type of person because she went by the store for the other things that night. Well after she picks C up I decide to go to the store because I needed a couple things which has little to do with the upcoming birth. When I say I was in denial, I mean I did not even have pads for after the birth or baby wipes! As I was walking through the store I felt a few stronger contractions but nothing that said, yeah you will be having this baby soon, just enough to focus me and keep me breathing. I got home from the store and decided to call my Doula and let her know that I would like her to come help me get comfortable and set up the birth pool. I followed that by calling my Mom and asking her to come help set up the pool and calling my Midwife, at which time she said she was going to go ahead and get on her way. Amongst all this I had been chatting with my Photographer the entire time on Facebook. So she knew what was happening and made the call to come on her own after getting the low down of everything that was happening. Honestly I did not want a bunch of people to show up just for no reason so when they all said they were coming I was like well I hope it's not for no reason because I am hardly feeling like this is labor. It's funny that this is how I remember it though because if you ask my doula or my midwife they would tell you that they knew instantly that I was in labor. All the hormones make everything melt together and super fuzzy but here comes the fun part.

My doula shows up and instantly gets started on pumping up my pool, but I am telling you that when she walked through my door it was like I instantly went into real labor lol Suddenly I needed her by my side to make it through the contractions and was relieved when my mom showed back up so that she could take over the pool duty and allow Simone to help me. Simone applied some much needed counter pressure on my back as I laid over my birth ball with my knees digging into pillows on the floor. Amongst this chaos I shouted, "Call Matty and tell him to get his ass here!" and then continued to just focus. I would circle and sway my hips from front to back and side to side during contractions and Simone would pass me water to drink and put counter pressure on my back. How amusing that this was all completely different than I had imagined. Since I was so unprepared we did not get to dance and my house was a mess, these were the things that crossed my mind as I was in between the cosmos. It is strange to look back on my labor and birth and be completely smitten with the way it went, in spite of nothing going as I envisioned. Everything happened so incredibly fast that I almost had an unattended birth! Suddenly, in walked my Midwife, her apprentice, and my husband at about 11:45pm. Homebirth is nuts! The Midwives did not hesitate and jumped right in, holding my hands as I squeezed and tried my damndest to transfer my pain to them. Also I am pretty sure I peed on my pillows and my water definitely broke all over them but the people who were with me just picked them up and tossed them in the wash. Birth is messy and Simone deserves a prize because I know my water gushed her way, of course she did not skip a beat.. She just said hey you may want to use the restroom now so you can get into the birth pool. I walked to the bathroom and at this point I am pretty unsure if I even used it but what I can say is that without even realizing or thinking about it I had reached down to feel what was happening down there and I felt a head! At this point Simone says, "Hey if you don't want to have your baby in the toilet you may want to go to the pool." To that I wined i'm sure and I just remember her saying, "Oh yeah I get it but if you don't want to have your baby in this toilet you may want to go now" She was calm but assertive so in my mind I was like, "This is it!" I got up and went as fast as I could to the pool. There were people in front of the pool so I shouted, "MOVE" and as they scattered I quite literally jumped in. But I tell ya, it felt so fucking AMAZING! The warm water was everything I needed through pushing, because at this point hands and knees on the hard floor were no longer working. The pool was inviting and squishy as well unlike the slippery hard surface of the birth tub I labored in with C. The pool allowed for me to comfortably lay over the side unlike the tub which was hard and even a towel draped over it did it no service. Also the pool had a bottom that was soft as well because it was blown up and had a small seat area if needed. The tub of course is hard and so being on your knees was not terrible but not comfortable either. I was the only person in the pool. My husband came to the front of me and held my hands while Simone sat next to him and helped to remind me to breathe. Suddenly a shout rings out, "The Head!" In response my Mom and daughter came poolside to witness our baby's birth and Brianne, a wonderful and generous birth photographer, made it just in time!

It was only a few minutes in the pool before I felt my baby crown. Once the head was out, I remember noticing how buoyant it was and it felt like someone was lifting the baby's head but of course they were not. I know now that they used a mirror to help them see what was happening. Then there was a rest and I felt my baby turn their head and I prepared for the next contraction because I knew my baby would be fully born. Once my baby was free I turned around to scoop them up, I did this fast and without thinking unwrapped the cord from their neck and then put them on my chest.

At no time did I even take notice of boy or girl. I just hugged my baby. My beautiful, squishy, angry baby. What a fantastical moment. Its minutes forever imprinted on my brain and yet I can hardly find the words to explain how exactly I felt. Relief though for sure... relief to finally meet my sweet baby,as I ponder I also remember such joy and wonderment. A moment that seemed to stand still and pass much to fast because I could literally live in that moment forever. Un-medicated birth is a bit of a high. This foggy, exhausted, high feeling that keeps you coming back for more... Mother Nature, you are so sneaky. Just a few short minutes after giving birth I was snapped back to reality because the placenta detached, evident by the gush of blood in the water so I got up and was help to the couch which was already covered in pads to protect it from blood and behind me everyone cleaned the trail of blood up before I could even look back to see it or wonder on the amount. For me this was the moment I was most worried most about. With C I hemorrhaged about 2 liters of blood and this time I did not, thank goodness! I did take Alfalfa during pregnancy and shepherd's purse tincture once on the couch so that may have something to do with it but I also firmly believe it was just how much faster this labor went. I was not exhausted the way I was with C.

sometimes the grainy photos are simple perfect, with no time to set up brianne caught this special moment

I felt like I had plenty of strength left in me and after meeting my beautiful baby at 12:11am I realized just how quickly everything went. So quick that my Midwife and Husband only made it to me about 30min before the baby came and Brianne Sanders, my photographer literally walked through the door while baby was crowning! Being at home meant that I was free to rest where I wanted. I stayed on my couch for a bit while I attempted the breast crawl, of which my baby was not happy with.

We had short moments of latch and eating but nothing substantial. This is another deviation from the norm because in the hospital with C they all but forced me to supplement with formula. Simone made up tea for me and handed it to me often to drink, while everyone else brought me hot towels to warm me and baby. It was about this time that I realized I had not yet checked to see if I had a boy or girl so I took a peek and we had a BOY! Micha Grayson weighed in at a whopping 10#s and was 22 1/2inches long. Feisty as his entrance into the world he shouted and roared for some time after birth. Even a week early he had a great APGAR score and we both were doing well. Joanne, my midwife, made some tea for my vulva and then poultices from the herbs so that I could use both in the first few days for healing and overall comfort. Those poultices were a GOD SEND for sure! All of those who attended my birth stayed for a couple hours while I transitioned and settled in and before leaving helped me move to my bed and got me comfortable. My mom stayed the night and everyone in the house slept but me. I was seriously wired from this birth, it was so quick and I felt so lucky to be fully awake and aware to just take in all of Micha while we snuggled. He was not really interested in eating for that night, in fact he seemed totally pissed for the first hour as we attempted over and over to latch him. He cried and shouted at me so I decided to stop trying and just follow his queues. It turns out he had some gunk he was trying to cough and burp up and once that was cleared he was a vigorous feeder and would latch for long periods of time. The silence surrounded us and it was blissful. I could not be more in love.

Chaos reigns but bedtime must go on - Dad reads Bone to C

Overall I am beyond happy with my home birth. I feel so overwhelmed with pride and love.

Postpartum was different this time around as well. My mom lived in GA when C was born but has since moved to SC so she saved up 40hrs of PTO to be able to take when I went into labor and she gave me the best gift of all, her priceless time. Staying with us the first couple nights and then coming over just about every day for a full 2 weeks to help pick up a bit, cook for me, and hold Micha while I indulged in some self care. Aside from my mom being home, my husband was also able to be home for 2 weeks this time. He was such a rockstar too! I could not give him enough thanks for everything he did for me. He kept C busy and happy through the transition which was super important and he tended to me without question. Most of the time I did not even have to ask for a thing because he had already thought about it or asked me if I needed anything. When C was born he was in school and going through a pretty rigorous apprentice program for his job and was unable to take off much time. I am beyond blessed honestly. Not only did those two show up for me but I had friends and family bring me lots of food so that I did not have to worry about cooking and that reminded me all over again just how blessed I am! What a gift to have so many people in my corner. Micha is a month old now and has surpassed his birth weight. We have been working through latch issues but we are doing pretty durn well. My nipples on the other hand.... Pray for me!