Breastfeeding is the HOT topic the entire month of August with the benefits of breastfeeding being highlighted by the world. Taking time to support women and their hopes, dreams, and aspirations as breastfeeding mothers is so invaluable. In this blog I wanted to bring to light some of the struggles that I believe many breastfeeding women have, and talk about how these struggles cross all cultures and ethnicities. Because this week is about celebrating Black Women, I thought it would be fun to speak with two of my friends who have recently had babies and either did or are still breastfeeding.
First, I spoke with a long time friend Myra about her experiences as a breastfeeding mother of two. She explained that the people who were closest to her were not supportive. It would seem that her and her mother were not on the best terms so there was little to no support from her. Though her MIL and her had a relationship she felt like her MIL may have found it gross when she first started. Motivation seemed to be driven by research as she described learning about the benefits of breastfeeding. Knowing this time around that she would need to look outward to build her support system she joined an online Facebook group and began to prepare herself for all the possible struggles.
IT WORKED!
The group proved to be a great way for her to navigate the many problems and challenges that women face during breastfeeding. To name a few she described:
~Being exhausted because of their fear around Co-Sleeping
~Feeling alienated by family
~Family not taking pace feeding seriously when introducing a bottle
~Pain and proper latch
She has an enduring personality and is quite possibly one of the warmest people I know so time flew as we spoke. What started as an awkward exchange between her MIL holding a blanket up while she latched and tossing the blanket over her grandson while he fed, turned into Myra being able to nurse in the corner recliner with a waded blanket sitting behind her son's head so that he could comfortably eat without being overheated. She giggled as she exclaimed that sometimes she forgets the blanket and that now her MIL seems completely used to it and it is more normal and comfortable now. It came as no surprise that she was able to win her MIL over in the end, after all she is one of the sweetest and most honest people I know. With all this I wondered what goals she set, if any, for herself. For many women it can be important to just start out small such as saying, "I am going to make it at least 6 weeks!" While this does not seem like a long time, it generally is the first three weeks that women seem to remember the most when it comes to pain and discomfort. She too set a goal of 6 weeks and continued that once she reached her goal she felt so good she decided to try for three months. Before she knew it she had reached four months and is no longer setting small goals. She feels more confident than ever and has decided to set her sights on ONE YEAR! Of course I remember feeling all of this very vividly and I join in her excitement. One year is a great achievement and milestone but instead of focusing there we talked about how cute babies get when they start Breastfeeding Gymnastics...Yoga Breastfeeding...You get the drift. As it happens her son has started grabbing his foot and bringing it up next to his face while he is feeding. I giggled because it only gets more fun from there! We ended by talking about the most memorable parts of breastfeeding and she described something I have heard echoed across so many of the women in my family and so many of my friends as well. The bond between a breastfeeding pair is that unlike any other. There are no words in the English language that does justice to the feeling of loving something with all your being and knowing that they too love you fully and with all of theirs. It is a transfer of magic between two souls that is sealed by that milk faced grin looking up at you as if you where the only thing they ever needed. Nothing can prepare you for that sort of love and nothing can quite come close... Science explains it as a huge gush of love, lactation, and sleep hormones but we just see it as the most precious moments.
Danielle, an outgoing and energetic person was thrust into my life via another friend of mine, he began dating her and I instantly reached out! She and I slowly became friends on Facebook over time. Although we have texted in the past, this interview happened to be the first time that we had actually spoken over the phone. We share a common interest, helping women and providing educational resources to them so they feel empowered to make decisions during labor, birth, and postpartum. We have discussed the possibility of her becoming a Doula in the past so when I decided to write this blog, I instantly thought of her! Her story has taught me so much about fighting but also giving yourself grace when breastfeeding for whatever of the numerous reasons does not pan out. She started by telling me about how her memory about her birth experience was traumatizing for her. She could not recall a relative who had the problems or any issues during birth like that of hers. Because of her platelet levels she was not able to have an epidural for her Cesarean and was put under in order to birth her baby. She fondly spoke of the video created for her of the first time she met her son. Due to the medication she did not see her son until early the next day and her memory of this time is quite foggy so it is a precious gift to have that video. She was able to see a lactation consultant but said that despite the great support system she had, she found herself frustrated trying to find different techniques and positions adding that her milk quickly dried up and she began to supplement with formula.
I want to take a moment to focus on the positive. Danielle was able to feed her son for three months, during which time she provided a "multitude of microbes, stem cells and biological molecules that scientists are still trying to understand." Any amount of breast milk you are able to feed to your baby is such an enormous achievement and should be celebrated. Like Myra, you may also try setting small goals such as six weeks and set larger goals as you become more confident and your support system grows. So if you are not yet breastfeeding, new to breastfeeding, or just curious to learn a little more I recommend checking out the following resources for sure! If I hope to convey anything with this blog, it is that we can all use support and a kind ear. No one is perfect and has all the answers. We can learn, listen, and grow with each other so we may continue to do better for our children and future.